Grief and Loss After Trauma

Typically when we think of grief or loss, we associate it with the death of a loved one. However, we experience grief and loss in so many different ways. With my clients recovering from abuse or assault, perhaps it was a loss of innocence or the loss of a “normal” childhood. Many times it’s a loss of trust. Those in addiction recovery experience the loss of life as they knew it while using, such as the loss of behaviors and individuals associated with the addiction. Perhaps it’s a loss of a dream, goal, or intention. And for some it’s a loss of health or loss of life without a chronic illness.

I want to write a little bit about how grief and loss presents itself in the context of trauma recovery. The definition of grief is the process of experiencing the psychological, behavioral, social, and physical reactions to the experience of loss (Rando, 2014). In short, it’s our reaction to a loss. With change we inevitably lose something whether it’s physical or psychological/ symbolic, and with trauma we oftentimes experience losing our view of the assumptive world.

We all have views of what we think to be true about the world around us, the self, and others. When our assumptions are disrupted or shattered, grief and confusion arise, and it can feel as if the world as you know it is uprooted.

Some basic fundamental assumptions we might hold are “bad things won’t happen to me”. Or “bad things don’t happen to good people”. Now think of what would happen to those assumptions if a person with these beliefs becomes the victim of a violent act. This person experiences a violation of his or her sense of control. Those beliefs get breached, as are his or her sense of safety in the world. That person might experience some grappling with responsibility and meaning, along with a serious reworking of their worldview--all part of the grief work that comes along with trauma recovery.

Common losses I see in working with survivors of sexual assault and abuse are loss of assumptive beliefs around safety, control, and vulnerability. We also might work through loss of harmful relationships with family and friends, substances, or other maladaptive coping skills.

What are some common reactions to the loss of our assumptive world? One might feel sadness, numbness, anger, self-reproach, loneliness, helplessness, along with those trauma reactions I’ve talked about in previous blog posts. With the help of support and therapy, we can start to process through grief and the emotional impact of trauma and loss.