Creating Space for Self-Care
One of my favorite quotes says “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” It was a timely reminder during my time in graduate school. I can remember the pressure and stress of seeing everyone else seemingly glide through school with ease, while I criticized myself for not meeting these unrealistic expectations. I can remember feeling so defeated and frustrated, that I literally cried during a class. The issue was not with my skills or abilities, but with my constant comparison to my peers. It wasn’t until I let go of the comparisons and what I thought I was supposed to be doing, that I was genuinely able to focus on what I needed to do for me. When I think about self-improvement and self-love, my first thought points at boundaries.
In order to learn more about ourselves, I believe we need space and energy to explore. Boundaries dictate where we end and where the other person begins, and they block out any noise that distracts us from focusing on our goals. It is almost impossible to focus on our own growth and development, if all of our focus is on the next person. During this time of quarantine, I think we have a unique opportunity to get to know ourselves without the usual distractions we normally gravitate toward.
Here are a few ways to begin giving ourselves the time and attention we deserve:
Establish your limits and stick to them. Limit exposure to anyone or anything that takes more energy than you are willing to give. Right now, I am limiting how many times I check the news. I can still be informed without being overwhelmed with information. Creating internal limits can also be helpful. Getting to know ourselves also means we need space to feel our feelings and learn about our desires.
Get to know yourself. Treat this as if you are dating yourself. Stay curious and open to your needs and what makes you, you.
-What are your strengths?
-What is your favorite activity to do alone?
-What are your values?
-I feel proud of myself when…
These are just a few prompts to spark a conversation about who we are.
Practice gratitude and grace. Self-love and learning about who we are does not happen overnight. Allowing ourselves grace along this journey is so necessary because we may not be pleased with everything that has happened. Saving time to reflect on moments of gratitude can reduce stress and improve self-esteem.
If you have questions about your own journey, or are looking for someone to walk alongside you, please feel free to contact me.
Lakeita Roberts, MS, LPC